3 words: Purpose Change Tasteless (May 11, 2012 prompt)
The First Kopi Luwac
by Quentin Thayn
Author’s Note: This is a true story ripped from the very pages of history. I’ve taken something like five minutes in meticulous research to shed light on the mysterious origins of the famed drink Kopi Luwac.
“Dude, I’m so high.”
“Yeaaah… man, me too.”
Jared and Trey sat on the dingy sofa laughing for five minutes, then stopped wondering why. They looked at each other and burst out in hoarse giggles.
“Man, you’re chewing on your dreds,” Trey pointed out.
“He ha uuugh,” Jared replied. “Dude, I thought I was eating the wax of the birthday cake that President Lincoln gave me.”
Trey coughed then wiped his nose on his hand, “Man, you’re stupid. We’re in the middle of Montana. I don’t think Lincoln would come out here. Sides, not even your birthday.”
Jared staggered over to the folding chair and fell into it. He laughed as he clicked on the computer monitor. “Dude, these colors are so vibrant I can almost smell them.”
Trey got off the couch and sat on the corner of the table, then he realized he hadn’t gotten off the couch at all. “Whoa. I’m trippin. Man, whatcha doing with the computer.”
Jared scratched at his sweaty head. “I don’t know, dude. I was gonna Google something.”
“Google Google, man!” Trey laughed.
Tears streamed down Jared’s face as he typed “google” into the Google search box. “It’s beautiful. Now I know how King James felt.”
Trey jumped to his feet and ran around the studio apartment screaming, “It’s on me! Get it off!”
Quick as a flash Jared dashed to the kitchen drawer to get a carving knife. He held it over his head as sped after his friend. “Come back dude. Let me get it.”
“No! My skin’s falling off!”
Jared took a swiped, “Hold still.”
Trey stopped in front of the computer. With his finger he pointed to search box and said with bitter accusation in his voice, “Man, you could have broken Google.”
“You can’t break da Google, dude!” Jared hit the enter key with the tip of the carving knife. That instant the computer went dead and the apartment light exploded.
“You broke it!” Trey yelled as he slapped Jared. “Everyone knows you can’t Google Google!”
Jared and Trey hugged each other screaming as darkness gathered just over center of the keyboard. A point no bigger than a pin went from black to pitch, it seemed to eat the rest of the light in the studio.
Just as they couldn’t see each other anymore a flicker of electricity emanated from the darkness of the anomaly. With the crash of thunder a ring of arching electric current expanded from a point to a ring the size of a hula-hoop.
In the center of the ring they could see green plants in a garden next to a stone building. “Dude, you’re so high I can see it.”
Jared and Trey gave each other high five. “Righteous,” they said in unison. The friends came closer to the ring of electricity not daring to touch it. Suddenly the pressure in the room began to be sucked through the ring. Trey laughed while Jared screamed like a girl.
They lay in the dirt surrounded by a landscape they didn’t recognize. There was no circle of lightning or any apparent way back to their apartment. A few people scattered as fast as they could at the sight of the friends. A little fire warmed a blackened pot with boiling water.
“Dude, where are we?”
Trey’s eyes were totally dilated as he spoke directly to Jared, “By the looks of it, I’d say we were in Indonesia sometime around the eighteenth century.”
“Yeah man, there isn’t time to establish a reliable narrator, and we can’t depend on a montage to help us meet a knowledgeable character who would inform us of our situation.”
Jared scratched his scalp with the knife point, “Dude, you’re so high.”
“Look at that!” Trey said pointing to a cat taking a dump. They both laughed as the feline emptied its bowels. “Ha ha ha! It must have eaten all of the beans of off that bush over there! Stupid thing is sick!”
Jared walked over to the cat and kicked it away. With both hands he scooped up the pile.
“What are you doing, man?”
Jared looked down into his hands and realized what he’d picked up. He sprinted in circles in complete panic. Not knowing what to do, he paused in front of the boiling pot of water. The contents splashed as he plunged both hands into the scalding liquid.
Jared screamed as the pain took hold. Yanking his hands out he looked at them wide-eyed. Seeing remnants of the recycled cat scat still on his hands he dunked them back in the pot. Trey quit laughing and pulled his friend away from the water. “Man, you need a doctor.”
The two stumbled away looking for a doctor and accidently fell into the window through time and space as it flickered back open.
The villagers came back from their hiding places. None knew who the shrieking devils were or where they had gone. They found a pleasant smelling liquid in the tea pot. They drank it and all agreed that it was the most delicious tea they had ever had. Finally after it had all been consumed, a young prankster spoke up. He alone had seen how the devils made the brew. Instead of the village being angry he soon witnessed most of them secretly making this new tea on their own.